i kinda wanted to add Man Utd above but it's not really a struggle for me so i don't care.

studies and discipline.  those two kinda go hand in hand don't they?  to study you need discipline. simple equation, but one i keep getting wrong.  i know i'm supposed to be spamming my TYS now, completing tutorials and knowing every single topic like the back of my hand.  but the fact is i don't. i just feel so unprepared for everything. SPA is on Saturday and i haven't studied for it. SEA history test tomorrow and i haven't started. perhaps you might even think that blogging is taking up my time. but please, look at my previous posts.  those one liners are hardly even taking up 2.33 minutes. this will take more than that, but then again it doesn't happen very often recently does it.

i just kinda find it hard to sit down in front of my work and mug. it's not really that i have a lot of distractions. fine i play my guitar a lot everyday to help me relax but frankly it's one song at a time, maybe once every 45 minutes. by the way the doctors recommend that we take rests after 45 minutes of work so we don't screw up our eyesight, so hey i'm not at fault here. blame the damn doctors. haha.

i think i'm having a problem just sitting down and doing work. i'm restless, probably have a short attention span too, cause the maximum number of hours i can clock sitting down in front of my work and actually really really REALLY mug is probably half an hour at one go. then i need a break. somehow i can find stamina during the actual test paper, so that must prove that i can actually sit down and mug for say 2, 3 hours at one go. but the fact is i can't, for one reason or another.

i am not ready. that really, really worries me.

i don't know, and on top of that, i worry about my friends around me. i'll confess that how my friends feel affect me a lot. just take an example for bowling. Ruiyi bowls badly, i'll bowl badly cause he doesn't feel good. same thing when i bowl badly, he bowls badly. somehow i just can't survive when i have friends around me not feeling good. i know it's not their fault. but i just get kinda emo about it too.  hey i'm a guy full of emotions so that's the way it is.

but what's worse is not so much them making me feel bad, but more of that i don't know what to say to them.  it's like say someone is emoing in one corner and you don't know what to say. and that sucks. it's like you just feel powerless you know what i mean? well the fact that i'm not exactly good with words does exacerbate the situation.

ah well.

then perhaps more importantly, yes even more important than the bloody A levels at the end of the year, is you.

hey.  i've been wanting to talk to you for awhile. actually quite awhile haha. shocks me how many times i think about you a day you know? kinda stupid but i've written about 4 or 5 drafts of smses to you but i haven't sent it out. but hey you know me. i've got no excuses for that. whatever it is i'll talk to you soon i hope

5 months and everything will be over.