i don't like the pressure of being in Hwa Chong.  there's this constant pressure to do well and to excel.  teachers tell you to mug more and get good grades, your peers are doing better than you and because of this, you are brainwashed into wanting to do well as well.

i'm a small fish in a big pond, no big ocean here in my school.  there are hundreds above me.

i got my chem back today.  48%.  not good at all.  what really got me pissed off was that if i took into account all my careless mistakes, i would have gotten a C.  if i had not rushed through the first part, i would have gotten a B.  if i was given more time, maybe a high B.

if, if, if, if, if.

there is no if in A levels cause what's done is done.  that bothers me.  not a slight bother, but a major big assed bother.  people say results don't matter but that's utter crap.  i'd like to believe that results don't matter to.  if i do believe that, i'll probably be labelled a heretic.  it's almost akin to proposing that the world is round (which it is by the way).

that's the study bit.  a small part of this immense pressure that's pressing me from all different corners.

then there's the CCA bit, which is killing me cause i've worked so hard and now i'm looking at the possibility of not making the team.  yes, sure others worked hard too, but it's just something i want so badly.

then there's the NAPFA test.  you're probably wondering what's so important about it.  well i passed it last year and now i need a silver to skip PTP.  i ran my 2.4 today.  by myself of course.  was pissed by my timing (12.10).  it's not really that good.  then there's my pull-ups which i need to impove and all that.

coming to the end of this utterly incoherent post, i realise that for once i'm looking forward to the army.  that's when all this pressure will end cause in the army, you don't have to think.  you leave your brains at the entrance before you enter.