well yes, yes i haven't been updating. too busy wasting my time away on totally nonconstructive crap. ie playing games.
well i did manage to complete most of my Christmas shopping so it should not be much of a problem.
oh well.
it has been quite a week. recently i have been struggling a lot. struggling over the issue of service, cause i really was considering quitting the worship service. take a few months off. not cause next year would be tough or anything, but mainly because i felt that i was not playing with the right heart.
i must admit that recently i have come to view drumming as something more of like a performance. and i admit that i feel bloody good when i play well. and this is exactly the reason why i felt that i should quit. i'm just not committing my playing to God and not giving Him the praise when i play well, cause after all it is Him who uses me to play, and if i play well, then all glory should go to Him and Him alone. but then being human, inevitably you feel good when you hit a cool drum row. you feel good when you do a cool bass beat that totally syncs with your hi-hat and syncs with the song. and naturally, you think that you are that damn good. but seriously? is that what worship should be like?
i'm still in the midst of praying and considering. i mean if leaving for the better then i guess i would.
i don't know. i've fallen before, fallen worse than this, but what i do know is that God will always provide a way out.
posted @ 8:59 PM |