a lot of things are going through my mind now.
i don't know why i keep on having this sense of dread in my heart, like i haven't done something yet, or something is going to happen. i just don't know why this is happening. i guess i'm being too negative, and i really want to just block out all negative thoughts. but then again, i am leaving my family for ten days. i am leaving all comforts behind, i am leaving church, my friends, everything. everything will be left behind at home for ten days while i am in Mongolia.
you know one thing that people find hard to do? it's to say that they are afraid. i do not deny it. i am afraid. i am afraid that something will happen, i am afraid of what will happen. most of all, i am worried for my family. i mean, take my life if there need be, just don't take my family. that's all i am thinking now. guess i am being a little too negative. i am thinking too much. but then that's what people do when they are afraid i guess.
i am afraid because what is going to happen there, i do not know. like this deep unknown. and i just can't bear to leave my whole family here in Singapore. i guess i haven't really told them that i love them, even though i know that they do know. and i know this is just a camp, and i am thinking too much, but it is leaving my family behind that is making me think too much. throw a bear, or a tiger, or even a lion at me and i will not be as afraid as when i am leaving my family behind.
guess i love them too much.
and i just really hope that they would be safe.
Lord keep me safe. keep them safe.
posted @ 7:34 PM |