my life is good. i am happy. i enjoy my life. everything is ok.
no it isn't. that's what i want to say but it isn't. just don't ask me why ok?
i laughed today. i smiled. it's really amazing that it happened. i probably lost the ability to do so during the course of the past few days, because like i said, life isn't really good for me now. it's amazing really. my friends, joking and stuff. i laughed. i did. perhaps it will give me a short term illusion of happiness. but deep inside, i cannot deny that i'm not really happy now.
you know. this is why i wanted this to be a private blog. at least for awhile. i don't know what is the force that compelled me to make this blog public. i seriously don't know. but anyways, sorry if this blog seems so down and all. can't be helped. if you're down, your blog posts will be low and shit. that's the way it is. so keep away if you want to view a happy blog. because this is definitely not a happy blog.
to hell with everything. i really hope i can sort shit out. and it's 3 days to Christmas. i can't feel so down. i shouldn't.
but i am.
When I'm Gone - Eminem
[Introduction]
Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...
[Verse 1]
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made",
Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...
[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...
[Verse 2]
I keep having this dream,
I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more,
"Daddy you're lying"
You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine
"She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it"
Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha"
"I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These f*ckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying
"You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...
[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...
[Verse 3]
Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,
"But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?"
I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin"
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad"
And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin"
I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going
"But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice"
Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will.
You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin
'It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging,
I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..
[Chorus/Outro]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing,
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
posted @ 10:33 PM |